Las Patronas: Car Stickers and Making Friends

Anjelica: But you know how. Like, we’ll spend a lot of time together and then like, we then a few days will go by and and we and I’m like, I miss you all. Monica: We’re in the newlywed phase. Still. And the honeymoon. Anjelica: The honeymoon? Monica: Yeah. The honeymoon. Anjelica: Sorry, I, Hola. So by now, you would have already seen the video of Monica and Mary Ann having a quick conversation. I wanted to do one where it’s either me and Mary Ann which we tried, but things… Or me and Monica. So, Monica, it’s amazing to have, like, a trio conversation. And it’s amazing to have a trio. A trio friend group, right? Because one of us sometimes tends to be the buffer, right? But there are intimate conversations that I think between us we can have, we can like, say some information without telling the other one until it’s ready to be told. And not that we have secrets between us, but sometimes we just want to get immediate reactions and we kind of know who to talk to, when to talk to what, which one. And I think that’s us. That’s us three. Right. Yesterday you and Mary Ann spoke a little bit about your your children, your, aspirations, your dreams and so on. Today I want to talk more about being a grown adult at this age. I mentioned in part a little bit because Mary Ann was here with us and recorded. I mentioned that making friends at this age is it is a little bit harder because by this point we got to the age that we’re at. Our kids—mean you are empty nesters, right? Our kids are gone from our homes. Mary Ann still has small children with her. Other than that, that’s more. I seen him yesterday and he was tall. I was—I don’t have that. So we’re, we’re empty nesters. We necessarily don’t have to pick up kids. We don’t have to worry about her children. Yes, adults, but they’re young adults. Like her daughter just turned 21. At our age, people want to talk about premenopausal and being menopausal. I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t want to talk about that. Monica: Yeah. There’s a lot of talk about that. Anjelica: There is a lot of talk about that. I mean there should be rightfully so, rightfully so. But I feel like women our age, I feel like that they think that’s all we are. Monica: Yeah. It’s menopausal premenopausal. Anjelica: And I don’t think so. No. But what about everything else. What does it really involve. Monica: Yeah I mean you know and something that I try and remind my kids is that I don’t know at all. You know I’m living life for the first time and then you have other people that are like, I know it all. You know, I’m not—I’m not that person. I’m the person that’s like, excited to keep learning and learn something new every day. But as far as, like the kids, because that is such a big, at least for me, when I was raising my children, it was such a big part of my identity that I lost who I was. Like when we were talking about your younger self, and she was a completely just different person, and I miss her so much, you know, being a mother, you know, it’s our first time doing it. You’re kind of learning as you go, having adult children, you’re still learning as you go how to help them because, you know, I’ve, I’ve, you know, during my lifetime I’ve had, you know, you have friendships, you have, family. And you see things happening around you. And there was a lot of, marriages that were not strong. And, they were like, okay, well, as soon as the kids turn 18, like, I understand, like where that comes from, but like, you never stop parenting even your adult children, like my parents. I mean, I lost my mother in 2012, and I miss her so much. And I, I still talk to her. And in the work that I do in the nonprofit, I feel like my relationship actually got stronger, closer with her. Anjelica: And that weird. Monica: But because I was kind of trying to walk in her very big shoes that she left behind. But, it’s just I think if you are just true to yourself that you don’t know everything and that you are willing to continue learning, as you go, but just hoping that your, your children have, you know, some patience with you because like, come on, guys, like, we’re, we’re we’re navigating this together. Because, you know, it’s it’s just, you know, the world that we live in, you keep thinking it can’t get any worse, and it just keeps getting harder and harder, and just trying to stay and not let that take over your heart. You know, I always think of, like, Darth Vader, and you just, you know, you put on all the armor and you just, you know, you can put up a wall. And I think that might be why women have a harder time, you know, as you get older with friendships, because people have been hurt—a lot of trauma and stuff like that, which we, you know, we have that as well, but we’re still open. Anjelica: I think you brought up something really, I think I think you brought up something really interesting when you said, the world is changing. You know, the thing with me, you and Mary Ann, is that we don’t necessarily tend to think alike, but we very much do go down the in the same direction. It might not be the same street, but we’re heading all in the same direction. So if you’re looking for, to end world hunger, looking for world peace, and you know what I’m saying? Like, we’re still advocating for the same stances, and I think that’s important in a lot of friendships. You can’t force friendships. You can’t expect people. You can’t force people to think like you because they’ve already lived a life, they’ve already experienced the life. And so they know how they feel about things. And I find myself sometimes thinking to myself, you’re not—you don’t get it. And by the time you get it, because I want them to think like me. And I really like them as a person. But I keep thinking to myself, why are they not on this side? Why are they not on this side? Why are they not traveling south with us instead of trying to travel north? Like, why are they not like recognizing like you’re, you’re you’re walking straight into the ice storm. And I keep trying to like, why am I tasking myself to do that? Oh, why can I not just walk with the people that I’m walking with and find commonality with them? Is it really worth the struggle to force a friendship? Monica: Yeah. No. Anjelica: But speaking of forcing the friendships, there’s also knowing when to say bye to them. Because things just have changed. Sometimes they fade out and then some and some of them linger long enough for it to hurt. I’m so scared to get close to people again. I’m so afraid to lose them again. Monica: To me it’s worth it. Like I’m already in and with you guys like. But I do think about that because you know sometimes people are in your life for a moment you know for a reason. To maybe to, you know, help you grow a little bit. But then, you know, it’s, you know, also like the leaves when they change, you know, the seasons like they fall and friendships can end for bad reasons. Yeah, right. But also they can end just because you’re, you’re growing and going in different directions and there’s no hard feelings. And there might be a time that you come back and you meet again and it’s great. You’re so happy to see this person. But life is short, right? We know this. And you know, having everybody has trauma, right. But I think, you know, when you get to a certain age and I told you, you don’t give a fuck, you learn to, you learn. Just start understanding. Like, I’m not going to put so much energy into that. Like if when I was putting all the work into a relationship and it’s a two way thing, like the other person has to put in the effort as well. And when you feel like I’m, I’m doing all of this, I’m doing all the work to make this friendship work. It’s like if they wanted to, they would and it shouldn’t be so hard to try and get them to share and, you know, reciprocate. So, you know, I think that if you just, understand that and it but it hurts sometimes because, you know, there could be someone that you really like, you really are trying to make it work, and it just it’s not working. And then you just have to let it go, you know, you just have to, you know, be okay with that and then move on because there’s always something around the corner, like, you guys like, I, I love this. Anjelica: I have to say that it’s hard. It’s a hard conversation without thinking that this is the way you’re going to feel when you meet. Because we can be really honest. We can talk about like, how we’re going to feel if we lose the friendship and the relationship. Monica: Right. Anjelica: We can talk about it. I would be dead behind it, behind the scenes. Monica I’d be crying. Monica: Yeah, I can be a big bad girl now. Anjelica: I would be devastated. There’s a reason why I, like, hide in my bedroom and just sit there and. And like I let my hands just go to work. I let my hands do what they they I, they I don’t know how to do anything else but be a I’m a visual person, so I have to do visual things right. If I can do visual work with my hands creatively, I’m fine because my mind just goes off somewhere else. And if you put on a podcast or video with like for me, I get lost in thought of that and I literally I could sit there for hours. By the time I know it, 6 or 7 hours deep and I’m yet to finish my project and I need more fucking rhinestones or whatever, and I, I’m like, oh, damn, I gotta get up. I gotta go to the store or I got an order and online, I don’t want to wait for it and whatever. Right. Because I want to—I want to come apart. I don’t want you to see that I’m going to be hurt. I want y’all to, like, really mourn me in real life and be like, oh, I lost her. That’s the way I feel. I know that’s not the truth. Monica: Yeah. Anjelica: And are you going to move pass me by you. These are—I know that I know that and I have to live realistically like that. Which means I can’t just expect you to miss me. So I have to invest into the relationship. But you know how like, we’ll spend a lot of time together, and then, like, we then a few days will go by and and we and I’m like, I miss y’all. But I mean, really like, my husband’s like, okay. Monica: Like, so is mine. Anjelica: And I have a minute. Yes. But like, yeah, we miss each other. Monica: Like, I think we’re in the newlywed phase still. And the honeymoon. Anjelica: The honeymoon? Monica: Yeah. The honeymoon. Anjelica: Sorry. It’s been a minute. Monica: No. I appreciate y’all so much, like, I haven’t had a friendship like this, and. And a minute. You know, I have my family. I have my sisters. But they live in different places, and, you know, you have to make that effort. Anjelica: But you two, you’re on the go a lot. Monica: Yeah. But you’ve been here. Anjelica: You’ve been even still. Yeah. It’s done. Yeah. There’s a lot of changes happening in my diet. Monica: Yeah, yeah, there’s a plenty of planning changes happened in my life that moving around and around and around and around is just going to get confusing. Anjelica: Right. And but even like with that. So when that starts happening it’s going to be making that effort. Monica: You know still making time you know because everybody it’s like I’m busy I’m busy busy, busy I’m busy. But if you want to you have to make the time, put it on, write it down, set the time and actually, you know, follow through. Anjelica: So I like I like setting the time when we’re together because I like when I say, okay, we’re going to do this around this time. So I know that I get to have your time, like say, I don’t know, say we planned something in April, right? And we’re going to be spending like a week or two together. Right? I know I have to start talking to your away in advance. Monica: Yes, a week or two prior to it, which means we’ll be consistently communicating, which means if we would like to or if y’all would like to, we can step back, spend time with our family during the holidays. Anjelica: And it’s it’s, no hard feelings because I already—we’ve already like, set a date to see your. Like I’ve already set a date to see I. Which means I have to prepare for that. And so and it won’t bother me like if I see all during the holidays. Perfect. Even more hurrah. Right. But if I don’t that’s okay. Monica: Yeah. Anjelica: Because we know we’re meeting because we’re going to see each other later and I know we’re going to communicate. Monica: Yeah. Yes. We’ll send the happy Thanksgiving or happy you happy New Year or Merry Christmas. Anjelica: Yes yes yes. And I do have some friends who we do send each other like maybe 1 or 2 messages throughout the year. And it’s a quick hey, happy birthday and Merry Christmas. And which is fine. But I’m not going to be calling them when I want to celebrate something or not. When I say, hey, this is this is going on in my life here, or you’re not going to see the progression in it. They might see perhaps some hard work if I if I happen to share it somewhere where they can see it, but I don’t know how much and which is—but it’s so it feels so surface. Monica: Yeah. Anjelica: And it’s okay to have those relationships. That’s not what I want. Monica: Yeah. Anjelica: Between my friendships with y’all I don’t want the surface relationships. I think something that else is really important is like when feelings are hurt or we’re kind of like you’re, you’re kind of just starting to step and you’re like, I’m feeling a certain type of way. Monica: And that’s what it is to communicate. Anjelica: Let’s go into it because it’s happened between me. Monica: Yeah, it happened between me. Anjelica: And so we alluded to it when Mary Ann was with us. We alluded to it just a little bit. So we’ll talk about it here because we want I want your opinion, I want those who have opinions about this to to hear it in especially our live audience here. Here’s what happened. So we were going down to and you might have seen it, we’re going down to Arkansas and you go to Hot Springs. There was bathhouses for us to like, hang out in and and so on. And we were putting together some, some of the, how were we going to get there, what we’re going to do—here’s what happened on my end. Okay. And I’ll say, I’ll tell people what happened. What happened was I put something in the chat and I said, do you remember what I said? Monica: Well, you know, a lot of, plans were coming through like what time we were meeting, and I’m not leaving. Anjelica: Yeah. And, but in the Airbnb. Yeah, we had, but at this point, the Airbnb, we knew when we were going to take off, when you so and so and so all of that was, was coming together. Right. And then I realized something. Monica: Okay. Anjelica: And then I put something in the chat and I’ll tell you what I realized, but I put it in the chat. Do you remember at all kind of like a synopsis of what I put. Monica: Yeah. It was because you thought you didn’t have the sticker for the car. Anjelica: My car was expired. Monica: Yeah, yeah. Anjelica: And so I put it in the chat. In hopes to maybe get one of y’all to like, and I forgot… Monica: Oh, yeah, I forgot what Mary Ann said about hers, but mine… Anjelica: My husband had just told me that my tires needed to be, you know, change. And so I was just nervous about. And so then I offered up Turo. I said, oh, I can rent a car on Turo, but I don’t think you guys want me to drive. So I’m going to put one of you guys as the driver. So I thought I had given an option like, like, well, my car won’t work, but how about this? And I forgot what Mary Ann’s was, but something—she couldn’t take hers either. Monica: No, she said that her her sticker was expired also. Anjelica: Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah. That’s right. And then it was like a minute and then it was like, I’m not going or we’re not going. Monica: Oh, said that you did, but it was like it was like, what did you say? Anjelica: You said, I’m not getting like… Monica: But you were being—you were being vocal. Anjelica: You said, I’m not like that. We weren’t giving you… Monica: Like I said, you felt like you were by yourself. Anjelica: Yeah. Like it was like. It feels like I’m planning everything on my own. And something along the lines of like, I’m not okay with that. We’re going to have to put, we’re going to have to, we’re going to have to, we’re going to, we’re not going. Monica: Yeah. Right. And then silence, silence for a while. Anjelica: And I heard like literally it was like five minutes silence. Monica: Yeah. Because I’m like what the fuck? Okay. I was like, what? Just happened? Anjelica: And then what did you say? Monica: And then I said, I’m so sorry that you feel that way, you know, please tell me how I can help. Anjelica: Like. No, because I said, we’re not going to go. Right. And then you said you said okay. And I was like, and I think I came back, but no, no, no, I came back with no, it’s not okay. I hope you—I just, I can’t talk to you right now or something like that. Like I got really snippy, I really snippy, and then I and then that’s when you… What end up happening? Monica: I ended up calling, Mary Ann immediately after. Anjelica: Why did Monica say okay? Monica: Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course I’m fucking dramatic. Monica, you y’all know me. Anjelica: Y’all know me. They know me, they know me. They know that I can get very—because I do. I give a lot of hints, a lot of clues without me saying too much. And I do expect a lot of people when I—by the time it’s to that point, I do expect a lot and I shouldn’t because it’s not. Everybody’s going to communicate the way you do. And I know that I know better, but it still comes without wanting to. And it truly, honestly, my apologies because I could have easily been like, communicate with you directly, like, hey, I need you to step in, Joe. Monica: Yes. Yeah. Yes. That would help. Yeah. Anjelica: As opposed to me, like throwing a fit because it would not pay for you. Like planning, you know, you like the plan. Monica: I like the drama. Anjelica: No, no, you like the planning. You like to pick the certain places. Monica: And so, like, I don’t want to, like… Anjelica: Yeah, you let me know and I will step in. Yeah. Monica: Because I too am a a planner. Anjelica: Yes, yes and stuff. But I noticed that I could have easily gone to you and just been like, hey, I can you just step in and can I just get a little bit help or, or gone to your individually, you know, instead of like kind of having a fit in front of you. And and unnecessary fit honestly. So that happened. Right. And I talked to Mary Ann and then you are you extended the like okay I need context. Monica: Yes. Okay. Anjelica: And then that’s when I appreciated the response. Monica: I was being like tell me what just happened. Anjelica: You were very fucking confused because you didn’t know what the fuck was going on. Okay. Then Mary Ann comes back and then she’s like, what the fuck happened? I wasn’t even on this fucking text. And John went back and forth and then and by the time she was like, we’re taking my fucking car. And I was like, no, your fucking stickers expire. What’s the point of taking yours while we’ll pay if I can take my fucking expired car? So here’s what’s stupidly happened. I had went to go get my sticker. I sat there for like two hours to get my sticker. I thought I had lost the sticker, the windshield sticker to my car. I thought I had lost it. Little did I know that one, I already put the sticker on the car so the car was already like updated. Monica: Sweet husband. Anjelica: No, because he drives the fucking car, which is why he needed to have the sticker on the car. So he put the sticker on the car also. So I’m sitting there like throwing a fit and I’m talking to him and he’s like… Monica: And then what happened? Anjelica: And I got a letter that he’s like… I mean he let me talk to say babe, I feel like he… Yeah, he let me like after a while he let me talk shit and he’s like and he’ll get the stickers on the car. I’m like, oh, I’m like, son of a bitch. I here I am throwing fucking fits, saying all kinds of fucking wild things to them. Why am I like this? Because my husband says at his tells me I had to go. You so chaotic. I’m like, I don’t know. I don’t try to be. I know it can happen. I expect people—I mean, as far as the team, I expect people to understand. I expect people just to to get it immediately. We had a whole take I was analogy with you without even knowing I was mad at you. Monica: That makes me so fat. But wasn’t that, like the best trip? Anjelica: But we had a really good time. This is Monica’s detour, but it’s fine. Monica: No. It’s fun. Okay. And I, That’s why I was like, can you give me some context? Because my heart was breaking. Because I was like, what is happening? I didn’t know, I was so confused. Anjelica: But to wrap it up, I it shouldn’t I got bothered by the okay. I was bothered by the okay, I think I could no, no, no because I could have avoided it the whole I it didn’t have to involve Mary Ann. I think Mary and what things that Mary Ann goes through are much more forward facing than behind doors. So I knew her issue, her solving the the issue with her sticker on her car, was going to be more difficult then as opposed to like, hey, well, you know what? I don’t have a sticker either. Hey, Monica, can we take a verse? And so the offer, I was like, no, she’s not going to drive. Like I’d rather—like I’m insured under my car. Under my car to drive anybody else’s car. I can just drive hers. That was my thought process, right. And so when I got the okay, I was like that easy, that easy. Monica: No, there was a lot going on. Anjelica: I know, yeah, I know, I know. But again, I go back to the same crazy amount of emotions. But I was going back to the same thing that I never know exactly what is happening now, because you need to tell us, because it just is behind the scenes, behind private doors. Monica: It is. And it’s not like it’s not. Anjelica: It’s not I there’s no reason for you to offer that information to us. Monica: For what? That’s we’re not living your life. You need to figure out what you’re doing. Anjelica: That was why okay to me? Yes. You okay? How is it so easy for her to okay me? She didn’t fight. She didn’t fight for me. She didn’t say, hey, I didn’t want to tell Juan that I had lost the sticker. That was my issue. I always go back to it. Does her go back to like. I want to tell my husband, Juan, that I lost a sticker to my car, and which is why I was driving. Now a vehicle without no fucking registration sticker. I do want to tell him that—I didn’t want to tell him that. Monica: I know you keep up with your fucking registration stickers. Anjelica: This is an immediate thing for you because my husband helps me with. Monica: Yes. Yeah, but my husband doesn’t tell me he fucking worked on it and said, hey, Anjelica, total bird, the stickers on the fucking car. Anjelica: And it could have saved so much heartache. Monica: It’s always our fault. Anjelica: It is. It is, it is, it is. It is stupid. I’m putting the sticker on the flier. Not really meant to be at. Just kidding. So what did you learn from from that necessarily just communicating. Monica: Like, that I could have just picked up the phone. Anjelica: I could have just picked up the phone. I don’t know if you were the amateur or a what a bouncer… Monica: I could have because I was, I was confused and, but yeah, I only said okay because, I was like, okay, then that gets me out of some hot water somewhere else. But, yeah, I think communication is key. Like if we just talk to each other and, and, because, yeah, texts can always be misconstrued. Anjelica: That and Khristina. So why is because you this in if you’re an a vet, a veteran. Monica: But I’ll tell you, we’ll tell you in a minute, but, but yeah, I mean, so just, I think keeping, you know, communication lines, you know, clear, and know when someone’s like, you know, that you. Anjelica: Yeah. Tell me how me? Yeah. Yeah. Like. Yeah. I think for me, for me. Monica. Actually, honestly, I care much more about this, these friendships than I thought. Because it was so easy for me to get mad. And I know when I get frustrated in a marriage because it really matters to me. And I was like, oh shit, did she okay me. Oh fine. And I threw a fit before I could even figure it out. And I was like, shit, I got it, I got it. Monica: So yeah. And I’m so glad it worked out and, and that we went, we had the best time. Anjelica: I had a really good time. We always do. Monica: Yeah, we always do. Anjelica: We always fucking do. What would you like to tell people who are following along with our journey? Monica: And we’ll finish off with, just, you know, come along for the ride. It’s, you know, we there’s no design. We’re going to see where it goes organically and just, you know, have fun. Anjelica: I think we’re going to have fun along the way. And so if you are interested and, you know, seeing where life takes us, you know, come for the ride. And so with that fellow Patronas, we’ll see you soon. Bye bye.