Generational Healing: Break Free from Your Golden Cage

[COLD OPEN — JOSSELINE CARR]

Josseline Carr: I want to be the light in between darkness. Actually, right now, where everything is so heavy. I’m in a world where I get to wear heels when I do a closing, and then I get to wear my work boots — because I’m not afraid of working. I’m not afraid of putting my work boots on or my heels on.

I hated people knowing that story. I was ashamed of that. And then recently I went through the process, and I kind of just said — what? Why? Why do I have to be ashamed? Why do I have to be ashamed of things that I can’t control?

If you’re in a room where you know you know it all, you’re not learning. If you’re not learning, you’re not growing. You can only put your past as an excuse for so long — until you have to take that decision to not let your past define who you want to be, where you want to go, and take the responsibility to truly heal.

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[INTRO]

Andrea Diaz: Hola and welcome back to the Latina Leadership Podcast. I’m your host, Andrea Diaz. In today’s episode, we’re talking with Josseline Carr — a Salvadoran entrepreneur, real estate investor, and founder of the conference “Libérate de tu Jaula de Oro.” She built businesses in male-dominated industries while raising three kids and healing generational wounds along the way. We talk about breaking free from the golden cage, why inner healing comes before outer success, and what it means to lead with faith and freedom. So let’s head to the conversation.

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[CONVERSATION]

Josseline Carr: Hi, my name is Josseline Carr. ¿Cómo están? I’m into the real estate world. I really like the niche I found. I am a real estate agent, in the process of opening my own brokerage. My husband and I manage our own construction company since 2019 — really developed it in 2022 — and we manage our own rental properties as well. And recently I just got certified as a motivational speaker with purpose, trying to take that off as well.

I’m so thankful for this opportunity, Andrea, to be here, to share my story. I want to be able to inspire. If I can help others in their journey to be successful — not just monetarily, but growing spiritually, mentally, physically — I’m happy and willing to do that. I want to make a difference instead of being one of the same. I want to be the light in between darkness, especially right now, where everything feels so heavy and we feel it. I want to do something for our community, to be able to grow.

I’m so thankful for the community I live in. It’s a very small town, but very helpful, very supportive.

Andrea Diaz: I saw that you’re from Jasper, Indiana, which is really small.

Josseline Carr: There’s nothing here but cornfields.

Andrea Diaz: Talk about the experience there as a Latina.

Josseline Carr: It has developed so much. Growing up, it was hard. There were not many Latinos around here — not very welcome, not very well received. I actually moved to Jasper since I was nine. I immigrated from El Salvador. Go El Salvador! I’ve been here since then. I did try to move to Indianapolis. I do not like the city, I’m going to admit. So here I came back to Jasper, went back to college, got my degree in business management, and I think slowly they have acclimated and been a bit more open to the Latino perspective. But I’m not going to lie — going to school without knowing the language, not understanding the culture, was so hard. We’re so used to our own roots, sharing and embracing our culture, and then you kind of lose yourself because you’re trying to fit in.

And that’s really what I speak about on my stage — “Salir de tu Jaula de Oro,” break open from your golden cage. Because I think that’s more of a barrier. And also, being a female, it adds a little more spice to it. But at the same time, it’s been amazing. It’s been amazing to lift my head up and say, I am happy to be a Latina. I’m more than anything proud, embracing our culture and sharing it with others.

I did just that. And I’m married to a gringo. I love him to death. We’ve been married going on 12 years. Now my kids get to experience both cultures, and I love being part of that.

Andrea Diaz: I love that they get to be part of both cultures. You talk about “Libérate de tu Jaula de Oro” — what inspired you to start this work specifically? What does the golden cage represent for the women you serve?

Josseline Carr: “Libérate de tu Jaula de Oro” is so heavy, so close to me. Because growing up, I struggled physically, mentally, emotionally — always trying to fit in. Trying to fit into whatever everybody wanted me to be, the puzzle piece that everybody needed. If they needed a friend, if they needed just anything. That golden cage for me represents all the limits, all the expectations, and all those barriers.

I grew up as a PK — pastor’s kid — and there are so many things: no, you cannot do that, you have to behave this way, you have to do this. Not being really loved. More than anything, I didn’t get to meet my mom since I was nine. It was through a big healing process. And I realized that for me to be able to grow, I needed to heal. I needed to forgive. I needed to love. And find my identity.

Honestly, being a PK has been the biggest blessing I could ever hope for — where I found my identity in God. I’m a big believer. It turned my life around. Being born unwanted, not even thought about — that created a burden. It created a burden in my growth, my emotional wounds, and I sabotaged myself. I shrinked myself to try to fit in.

So for me, that cage feels just like that. Everybody wanted to keep you in a cage from flying. From opening up your wings. From dreaming. Because either you were never wanted, or my mom and I had a very hard relationship growing up.

I knew that I wanted to heal. I did not want to keep holding onto that grudge forever. It was time for me to stop. I want to be able to share my story — to speak to women regardless of how you came into this world, wanted or not wanted. Because of things that mom went through. Where she was sexually abused. That’s how I came into the picture.

And I hated people knowing that story. I was ashamed of that. Then recently I went through the process and I just said — why? Why do I have to be ashamed? Why do I have to be ashamed of things that I can’t control?

Sometimes I think we spend years and years trying to control other people. And we feel shame of our past, when sometimes we can’t even control it. There are so many things you have to just let go. I recently read Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory, and it changed my mind completely. Because we want to control everybody, and at the same time, you just have to let them — so you can grow, you can shine, regardless of whatever someone wants to say about you.

I did let people hold that power over me. “Oh, you’re not wanted. You were never wanted. You are a disgrace.” And I was like, wait — no. God brought me here for a reason, for a purpose. And I’m going to do just that. I want to inspire women where we struggle so much. People try to keep us in that golden cage and say, no, you can’t do anything because you’re a female, because of your past. Who says?

Sometimes we just have to heal. First of all, we have to find our identity. God has healed me emotionally, physically, mentally, and used that growth to stop self-sabotaging my future and to learn to love myself. Sometimes we expect validation from others, from our spouses. We look in the mirror and we don’t really love ourselves. We follow other people’s expectations when that shouldn’t be. We should be able to love our own self-image. And if you don’t, then what are we going to do to get there?

Forgive ourselves. We carry so much burden that isn’t even ours to carry. We feel sorry for ourselves instead of asking: what can we do to not feel that way? So I took it upon myself and said, it’s time to move forward. It’s time to truly heal.

I’m not ashamed of where I am, because right now nobody wants to talk about that. Nobody wants to talk about how they feel, about healing their wounds. Instead, we carry that year through, throughout the years. And then we pass it down to our generations, where it keeps hurting us. It keeps sabotaging our future. It keeps sabotaging where we want to go. And we lose ourselves into maybe finding other resources to heal — when you should be able to shine. Be your own masterpiece.

And sometimes you just have to shine, regardless of what people say or those limits they put on you. For the longest time I was like, I don’t want to fit into your masterpiece. I don’t want to fit into your puzzle. I want to be my own masterpiece. I want to go ahead and shine. I want to spread my wings without feeling like — no, you can’t do that because you’re Latina, because you’re female, because of your past.

There’s so much background noise that we give so much attention to. And we forget to take a step back and say, wait, I don’t like how I feel. Why is somebody else holding that power over you? If you want to do something, go for it. You might fail, but you’re going to learn. And that’s what’s going to make you a better person.

Sometimes when we try something new and it doesn’t go as planned, we give up. And that’s not for me. Keep trying, keep going. It’s going to be a learning process, but eventually you’re going to grow. You have to be teachable in every perspective.

Once you start learning, you start growing. But you also have to be careful not just to absorb all that knowledge without acting. Because that’s just entertainment. What are you going to do to put it into perspective? Because at the end of the day, it’s not about me. It’s about them.

Andrea Diaz: Thank you for being so honest and so vulnerable about your story. You talked about so many important things — trying to break that generational trauma, going through healing, understanding that yes, society has expectations for us, but we have the choice and ability to make our own. And I feel like that’s really hard for our community to understand, especially as Latina women. We have so many expectations put on us. Sometimes they feel like reality — oh, we’re expected to take certain roles, be the mom, be the caretaker. And sometimes we’re more than those roles. There’s so much we want to accomplish.

But I always tell people — it might not be the path you imagined, but we’re going to get to that destination no matter what.

Josseline Carr: I never saw myself in construction at all. I was doing recruiting at a company. I was in HR. And then I just — there has to be more to life. I was there for seven years. I enjoyed it. It helped me grow. But I always think everything happens for a reason. You have to keep trying.

Like I said, I never saw myself in construction. I’m in a world where I get to wear heels when I do a closing and then I get to wear my work boots — I’m not afraid of working. And that’s what I’ve told my kids. They get to see that mommy is also a wife, but she has her own goals. As a mom, I think we forget about that. I want my kids to know that just because mom is married or is a mom doesn’t mean you lose yourself. This is where I want to go, and I share my goals with them.

They’re kind of traumatized at this point — they either know we’re going to Home Depot or we’re going to go see some houses.

Andrea Diaz: I love that connection you have with your kids because it’s so important. In our community, our parents weren’t always used to sharing those tidbits of themselves. Even now, sometimes I’ll talk to my parents and they share something they wanted to do when they were young — and I had never heard it before.

Josseline Carr: It’s not too late to do it. Like my mom, for example — she loves doing jewelry and hair. And I was like, mom, it’s not too late. I even bought her supplies to start. It’s not too late to accomplish the things you wanted to do when you were younger.

And that comes back to emotional healing and self-sabotage. “Oh no, I’m too old now. I’m not going to be able to do it.” One thing I always say: I do not want to have any regrets. I’d rather say I tried it, I failed — so be it. At least I tried. And next time I’m going to do better. I’m not going to make the same mistake again.

It changes your mentality too. Because sometimes we’re like, I’m so stupid, I stunk. And your words have big power. Instead of that, say: it wasn’t the outcome I wanted, but next time it’s going to be better because I know not to follow that path.

I’ve faced failure — and I’m going to say this plainly — those hurt money-wise in my business and the construction side. There are projects that I have completely — I mean, well, and I’m like, oh my gosh, it should be easier just to quit. But instead I said: take a step back, relax, realign yourself. Let’s go back to the drawing board. Sometimes we are so go-go-go. And for me, sometimes I need to take just a few minutes, relax, come back, brainstorm — what else can we do? What can we learn from this project that didn’t work out?

Like I said, we started in 2019. Got my real estate license in 2020. And it’s until now that I’m really trying to grow. Some people want to see a change from one day to the next. It’s not going to happen. It’s going to take time — just like healing.

It didn’t take me 2 years. It took me 32 years to say, I am done. I am done feeling this way. I don’t want my kids to inherit that. I want to break the emotional generational cycle. I don’t want to pass that over my kids, because I feel it, and I see in my family where it just continues. We don’t want to break from the past, from things that have really hurt us, because it’s a lot of responsibility. Nobody wants to talk about that.

And it’s so needed — especially in society right now. So needed to be able to heal, truly heal, to love yourself, to forgive, because that’s what you’re going to pass down to your generation.

Andrea Diaz: Going into how you help women redefine success and find that healing — how does that look to you, and how has it evolved over time?

Josseline Carr: It was about a year ago. I’m still in my academy — I went back to Speaker Magnetica with Regina Carrot. I started and I thought, I’ve been to college, easy peasy. Just get good grades, do the testing. And then I realized it was healing. And I’m like, oh gosh — am I not truly healed? It was more than homework. It was finding myself again, discovering who I truly am, and really breaking that golden cage. I had decided to shrink myself to fit into other people’s worlds. What other people needed. Because I wanted to bring value to everybody’s life. In reality, that’s not going to happen.

So I set up what I call the Golden Keys — to be able to get through the healing process. And at the end of the day, they are tools. You have to make a decision to really heal. Right now, if 70% of people are still struggling with healing and self-sabotage — and I feel like if you’re not truly healed, that’s always going to be in your mind — healing is going to be your key to success in other areas. In your love life, your marriage, your faith, and also in business.

Because if we always say, oh, we made a bad decision and it made our company lose $30, $40,000 — instead of having that mindset, you change it. I was like, okay, I did it. I learned from my mistake. But let’s keep going.

Same thing with our marriage. I’ve been married 11 years going on 12. And at first I was like, oh my gosh, how can a man love me? Just trying to find that self-worth. I’m looking for his validation. And some women seek that validation from other people day in and day out, when we should know ourselves, we should know our value. We don’t need a man to tell us. Do I look good today? Do I feel good today? That empowerment to be able to lead with purpose — that’s going to be something you can only give yourself.

And sometimes what’s going to remind you that you’re wanted, that you’re needed, that you’re here to make an impact — for me, that’s been God. Holding my faith. We’re very into our faith because I grew up as a pastor’s kid. There wasn’t a day I wasn’t at church. Sometimes I hated it. But now it’s the best thing that happened to me because it defined who I am. My worth and what value I bring.

Because sometimes we want other people to put a price tag on us. It shouldn’t be your spouse, it shouldn’t be your kids. Sometimes we struggle with loving others because we don’t really love ourselves. We don’t forgive ourselves, and so we can’t forgive somebody else. It takes time to truly feel that instead of shrinking into whatever puzzle piece someone wants to turn you into — instead of shining with your own masterpiece. Living up to other people’s expectations and titles is emotionally draining.

Andrea Diaz: I’m in my head right now. What advice would you give to someone who’s unsure where to start with their self-healing? Because a lot of people are like, I know I need to work on myself, but I don’t even know where to start.

Josseline Carr: The first thing — I actually approached my mom and said, mom, I want your permission to share this story. This is your story as much as it’s mine. But the first thing is acknowledging where you are. You have to know what you’re still struggling with emotionally. What’s still hurting you? Where do you feel that barrier, that burden? “Oh my gosh, I still feel this way.”

I think just self-knowledge — where do we even start? Is it that you don’t feel you’re worth it? You don’t feel like you fit in? You don’t feel — and that’s it. We’re always looking for validation. Is it self-love? What is it? And from just that honest starting point, everything will branch off and go from there.

And that’s what I learned in my academy. I go back and I’m like, okay, this is not just going to class and doing the tests. This is actually working on inner healing. And it was — I think it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Because there are so many things I had to go back and say: okay, maybe that’s why I act like this. Maybe that’s why I act like that. Because of my past and things that are still hurting me. Where I’m a little more cautious. A little like — I don’t trust people because of this and this. And just realizing that that’s okay.

It doesn’t make you any less. It’s just you realizing and having that sense of responsibility to say: okay, I don’t want to make excuses anymore. Don’t make excuses to do the work. Because for me, I want my kids to grow up differently.

Growing up with my grandparents, it was very strange to hear “I love you.” It was more of: no, you have to be strong. We don’t cry. Pick yourself up. The wounds that we just closed — we never really paid attention to. And then we wonder why things go south. Why our relationships failed. Why we’re not successful in our workplace — because we’re always self-sabotaging. Self-sabotaging our future, self-sabotaging anything that comes across us.

Because we’re always trying to live against those expectations. Those limits. If someone says, “oh no, you can’t do that, you’re a female,” I’m like: okay. Thank you. I appreciate your knowledge on that. Now let me just — we listen to so much background noise. We want to satisfy everybody, and you can’t do that.

There’s a time when you have to take responsibility. This is where I want to grow. This is what I need to heal. And if you’re not adding value to my life, then we need to step away. Even if it hurts. Even if it’s a family member — if it’s dealing with your self-growth, your self-healing, your faith, you have to be able to set boundaries.

And it’s hard to do that, especially in the Latino community. Everybody’s so loving, so close, and everybody knows your business. Because that’s how we are — everybody wants to know everything. And sometimes it’s not for everybody to know. It’s for you to set those boundaries. To know your place, know your worth.

Unfortunately, there are so many people that still struggle with that, where we put so much emphasis on what people think of us instead of shining with our own light and being our own masterpiece.

Andrea Diaz: I can only imagine the family dynamics because my family is also from El Salvador, and it’s always a little crazy. And I feel like there’s a lot of self-sabotage there — and sometimes even unintentional self-sabotage that you might not realize is happening. Sometimes it takes a lot of self-reflection because it might be something internal you haven’t even noticed yet.

I really appreciate you because I feel like this is such a problem in our community, and sometimes it’s taboo to even address. I’m glad you’re bringing it to the light.

Josseline Carr: It’s been the hardest thing, because nobody wants to talk about it. And I’m not ashamed. I’m not ashamed of where I come from. I will never forget where I came from. I’m very proud. It has made me into the person I am today. My grandparents did a phenomenal job. My grandma — even though she raised me to be very tough — she was such a strong woman. She’s no longer with us, but I want to make her proud. I want to make my mom proud.

I want to be a voice. Sometimes as females we hear “te miras más bonita callada.” And that is not me. I want to be a voice for my family, for my community, sharing the importance of healing.

And I think once you do that and find your self-image, your worth — everything else is going to align. Everything you want — a good family, a good business, a good marriage — you have to put in the work. Sometimes we expect so much but ask, how are you getting there? What’s going to be your first step? Your first step is acknowledging. What is it you don’t like? Because it’s hard to admit. Maybe it’s the way you speak to your kids. Maybe it’s accepting negativity. And those things will traumatize our children.

I grew up in a household where grandma made me a very strong, very independent woman. And even though that sounds phenomenal, sometimes it becomes an issue — not being able to express my feelings because it was more of “hold it together, we don’t cry, head high, go for it.” And sometimes it is important to just take a cry. Relax. Take a step back and start over.

It’s okay to start over. It doesn’t matter about your age. If you don’t like something about yourself, if you haven’t opened your golden cage — break from that. It’s okay to start over.

Andrea Diaz: And I was the same way. Especially with my parents — growing up, it was like, “tienes que ser fuerte,” Andrea. You can’t let your emotions get to you. You have to stand strong. These are things I’m still working on. And I see people commenting that healing takes time — it’s not like, oh, after a month I’m going to be good. This takes years. I’m still having to try to get in tune with my feelings, because I’ve blocked so many of them for so long that it takes me a while — meditate, check in, how am I feeling right now? It’s so hard. But it is so worth it because you feel more in tune with yourself. And I feel like that’s something all of us as Latinas need — to reach our full potential.

Josseline Carr: To really reach our full potential. To do what we truly want to do. You can still be an executive. You can still be a businesswoman and be a good mom. Have a good marriage. But it takes work. It really does take work. And in a Latino household, we don’t really talk about that. Whenever I talk to my mom, it’s like, no, you’re crazy — you’re supposed to do this and this. And I was like, no, I want to start my own business. She’d say, I wouldn’t support that, it’s not set in stone, it’s very scary. And now it’s like — okay, I see you.

It’s scary, but I’ve really done the inner healing work over about the last two years. And I took my year-long course through Speaker Magnetica to be fully certified. And I discovered so many things I was still struggling with — that I no longer want to be part of. I don’t want to drag that along. I want to help other women do the same thing.

But like you said, it’s going to take time. It’s not going to happen overnight. And there are things we don’t want to break away from because we’re scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared of what’s going to happen. Not realizing what we’re getting ourselves into.

Andrea Diaz: And I feel like your story is so motivational. Our listeners are going to love it because it really shows you — there’s so much to grow. There’s so much you can do in your life. You don’t have to get stuck with the labels society tries to put on us. We have potential. We have so much potential when we look inside ourselves. And I’m glad you’re helping other women go on that process, to find success, to not be stuck in that golden cage.

I also wanted to see if there’s anything you want to talk about that we haven’t covered yet.

Josseline Carr: I might be in an industry that’s more dominated by males. That’s okay. I’m not going to feel intimidated. More than anything, I’m proud to go into an investor meeting and notice it’s mostly male-dominated. I’m like — okay, I’m going to learn. Always be teachable.

The moment you start thinking you know it all, that you know more than everybody — it’s going to make you feel uneasy, especially when you walk into a room where there are people smarter than you. And that’s going to be okay. That’s exactly where you need to be. Because if you’re in a room where you know it all, you’re not learning. If you’re not learning, you’re not growing. But also take action — because you don’t want to be pure entertainment.

Andrea Diaz: Oh my God, that’s so amazing. I love that perspective — walking into a room knowing you may not be the smartest person, but you’re there to learn.

Josseline Carr: Always. Yes.

Andrea Diaz: And one of my final questions — that Anjelica, our founder, loves asking, and I always love asking too — do you consider yourself a leader? Why or why not?

Josseline Carr: Oh gosh, that’s tough. I want to be able to lead by example, hoping that others can see that — because sometimes it’s not just about doing the talk, but walking the talk. And I feel like I’ve done that. It’s been a tough road. I’m not going to lie. To be able to be here today and talk about my emotional wounds, my growth, my journey — just being open and honest — I think that’s leading by example. It’s the hardest thing you could do.

I think I have a lot of room for growth. I just don’t ever want to forget who I am. I’m very thankful for my past because this is who I am today. If it wasn’t for my past, I think I’d be a completely different person. And I’m very humble to be here sharing my story, with my family. I’m very proud to be part of this community, part of this wonderful country, and to be Salvadoran as well.

And I know it’s so hard for us as Latinas to even admit that we’re leaders, because it just puts us on a pedestal and we don’t want to be there. But if we’re already leading, we are leaders. Let’s just not let that go to our heads — and sometimes be humble.

Leading by example. Walk the talk. Not just say it. And like I told you — it’s not about you. It’s about them.

When we understand that we are who we are because of our past, because of everything we went through, because we wanted to break those generational wounds — it takes time. It takes a lot of work. You have to put in the work, the long days, and understand that until you decide you don’t want to self-sabotage yourself anymore, that’s going to be up to you. Not anybody else.

Sometimes we want to make excuses. “I’m like this because of what happened in my past.” And there comes a time where we have to be responsible enough and say, hey, I think it’s time. You can only put your past as an excuse for so long — until you have to take that decision to not let your past define who you want to be, where you want to go, and take the responsibility to truly heal.

Andrea Diaz: Thank you so much for this conversation, Josseline. And where can our listeners find you?

Josseline Carr: I’m very active on social media — Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. You’ll see a lot of construction content on there, as well as tips on my upcoming projects. I’ll be finalizing my first conference this year. Soon I will be announcing it, so if you want to come to Jasper — let me know. I’ll have an open seat for you. Working on a few other projects too, so social media will be the place. And I’m always available by phone. Being a realtor, you can find my information just about anywhere.

Andrea Diaz: Thank you for sharing with everybody. Make sure to follow Josseline on her journey and what she’s doing — and hopefully her first conference this year. Thank you so much, and amigas, we’ll see you en la próxima. Bye, amiga.

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[OUTRO]

Andrea Diaz: Today, Josseline reminded us that success isn’t just about what you build out there. It’s about what you feel in here. The golden cage can look like achievement on the outside and emptiness on the inside. True freedom starts when we stop performing and start living from a place of authenticity.

You can find Josseline on Instagram at @josselinecarroficial and learn more about her upcoming conference, “Libérate de tu Jaula de Oro.”

Thank you for listening. If this episode spoke to you, share it with another amiga who needs to hear it. Leave us a review and tell us what you want to hear next. I’m Andrea Diaz, and this is the Latina Leadership Podcast. Nos vemos.